Aries: March 21st – April 19th

You wouldn’t even bother to hide the body properly. You’d stuff it in the trunk of your car and then go on the run. You’d spend your entire life trying to escape from your impending prison sentence.

Taurus: April 20th – May 20th

You would bury the body deep in the woods. But then you would end up seeing the victim’s poor family on the news and would feel guilty about ruining their lives. One day, you’d crack and contact them to apologize, and then the police would pounce.

Gemini: May 21st – June 20th

You wouldn’t know what to do. Should you call someone? What should your alibi be? Should you throw the body in the ocean or burn it or bury it? You’d keep changing your mind. Putting off your plans. You’d end up getting caught while you were still trying to figure out what to do next.

Cancer: June 21st – July 22nd

You would consider calling a family member to help you sort out the problem, but then you would think about the possibilities of them ending up in jail for helping you and the guilt would tear you apart. Eventually, you’d just end up turning yourself in to save everyone else the trouble.

Leo: July 23rd – August 22nd

You would get stubborn and try to handle everything by yourself instead of calling a friend for help. But the body would be too heavy for you to carry or you wouldn’t have a big enough trunk to haul it around — and your plans of escape would fall apart.

Virgo: August 23rd – September 22nd

You would freak out and beg one of your most trusted friends to come rescue you, to tell you what to do next. Then they would have to do all of the work while you tried to stop yourself from crying. You would be a mess. And, if that best friend decided to turn you in instead, you would be a mess in handcuffs.

Libra: September 23rd – October 22nd

You would try to copy something that you saw on television. Maybe from Bates Motel or How To Get Away With Murder. But then you’d realize that those types of plans only work on television and then you’d be screwed.

Scorpio: October 23rd – November 21st

You would do what you had to do. Burn your clothes? Got it. Find an alibi? Okay. Chop up the body? Fine. Nothing would be off limits with you. You’d do whatever it took to keep your ass out of prison.

Sagittarius: November 22nd – December 21st

You would hide the body somewhere that would be found by the police and try to pin the murder on someone else. Someone you hated. You wouldn’t feel guilty if an innocent person went to jail, as long as you were free.

Capricorn: December 22nd – January 19th

No one actually knows how you’d hide the body — because you’re the one zodiac sign that could actually get away with murder. You’d have everything mapped out ahead of time, so you wouldn’t have to think on your feet. You’d just follow the plan. And then you wouldn’t say a word.

Aquarius: January 20th – February 18th

You’re creative, so you would find a clever place to hide the body. A place that no one would ever look. But then you’d end up screwing yourself over by writing a memoir admitting what you did and you’d end up behind bars.

Pisces: February 19th – March 20th

You would get lazy and hide the body somewhere obvious, like in your own backyard. Or you’d find a safe, secluded place, but you wouldn’t dig deep enough, because shoveling takes up too much time and energy. Either way, the body would be found ASAP.