It only takes a quick cursory glance at your bank accounts to determine if you or your partner will cheat. At least, that’s what relationship expert India Kang says. Apparently, if one of you is bringing home the bacon and feels unappreciated, it could spell trouble in the end.
Cheat. According to The Daily Mail’s Bianca London, “relationship expert India Kang explains that if one partner brings home more money than the other but isn’t treated with respect – and voices that – they are considering taking their affections elsewhere.” What’s interesting is that this doesn’t apply to one gender. It affects men and women both equally. So apparently, if you’re the person bringing home the bacon in the family, all you really want at the end of a long day is some R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Not too much to ask.
More. Kang told London, “One partner earning more wouldn’t necessarily cheat, providing their partner showed them respect, gratitude and appreciation.” But the absence of these factors can problems, namely respect. If respect isn’t present in the relationship, things can go astray quite quickly. Kang continues, “However, if one partner earns a lot and the other becomes ‘entitled’ or takes their lover for granted or stops being appreciative, the partner is unlikely to stick around.”
Breathe. When it comes to survival, Kang says respect isn’t optional in the eyes of a man. It’s a necessity. She explains to London, “Respect for men is like oxygen, men crave respect. If you respect him, he will cherish you. Men know it’s their role to protect, provide and support. It’s the women’s role to receive gracefully, and also to show gratitude and appreciation for his efforts.”
But… What about relationships that aren’t as stereotypically traditional as Kang is describing? Times have surely changed. Men aren’t just the protectors anymore. Women are out in the world doing things for themselves, paying the bills, contributing to their families in larger and larger ways. So we can think about Kang’s advice regardless of gender, and the rules still apply.
More. Do you ever feel as if what you provide for your partner isn’t good enough? Or that you are always expected to do more than what you are doing now? It might be pushing you out the door and into the arms of another, according to Kang. But all your partner has to do is sit back and contextualize the fact that you put a lot of work into this relationship and into your component that you bring to the table.
Complain. On a similar note, Kang explains that if your partner is complaining often about this thing or that thing that it could also cause problems in your relationship. Open communication is of course key, but constant complaints do nothing but rock the boat. She explains, “if [they’re] always nagging, comparing and criticizing, [the other person’ will start looking elsewhere.”
Comments. But what we have to all keep in mind is that the contribution to a family or a relationship for that matter isn’t solely monetary. Sure, one person might be the breadwinner… Sure, one person might make more money. But that doesn’t mean that they contribute more. Those contributions are all subjective. But we of course had to head over to the comments section of The Daily Mail to see what people had to say about this new research.
Husband. User littlemisscynic wrote, “I earn nearly twice what my husband does. We’ve been together for 18 years and money has NEVER been an issue. My salary pays the bills. His gets used for the weekly housekeeping and incidentals. It works for us. I’ve never pulled the ‘I earn more than you’ card in an argument because we both work very hard to have the things we want. It’s not about money, it’s about respecting each other.”
Temptation. User Zatya wrote, “The biggest factors are opportunity and temptation. If you appeal to extremely attractive people and have the social opportunity to have a bit extra and get away with it then it’s very likely you will indulge particularly if there’s any bumps in the marriage. The other causes are no longer being attracted to your partner or not being connected to them anymore.”
Appreciate. User Anon wrote, “Yes but there are definitely couples where one partner spends lots of time trying to ‘appreciate’ the other and the other is still dismissive avoidance unengaged, taking what he (or she) can get and at the same time looking (or indeed being) elsewhere, sometimes multiple other places.”
Breadwinner. User EAC wrote, “My husband is the bread winner in our home. This may sound like the ‘50s when I say this but my role is to take care of the house and our fuzzies and his is to keep us in a lifestyle in which we are all accustomed to. Neither takes each other for granted. But if something were to change and he looked elsewhere, he knows that I will be living with my life in the same lifestyle in which he provided for, probably even better.”
Older. User PeteCook writes, “Talking to older guys, the thing that comes up the most isn’t how much the husband earns relative to the wife. It’s how much the WIFE’S BOSS earns. A woman married to a man who earns less than her boss is automatically attracted to that boss. He might not look as good as her husband but his fat wallet, his good car and his better house is like a magnet. This especially applies if the wife believes she is younger and more attractive than the boss’s wife. She WILL make a play for him.”
Quit. User Frankie wrote, “I think that’s pretty much true with all relationships.I know for myself, I have a close relative in my life whom I can never please, and I’ve pretty much just stopped trying because I know they’ll always complain and will NEVER be satisfied. It’s just become a habit that they’re incapable of seeing, so I no longer bother.”
You. What are your thoughts? We want to hear from you in the comments section below. Does the amount of money you and your partner both make affect the dynamics of your relationship? Are you the breadwinner, or is your partner the breadwinner?