When most experiment s*xually, they have a good time. Sure, they’re taking themselves out of their comfort zone in some cases, but they have fun all the same. Then again, for some people, it’s not always quite as entertaining. For one particular woman who had high hopes of being proposed to, everything fell apart when instead of asking for marriage, her boyfriend asked for a*al. It was a tragedy unlike any other. Keep reading to learn more about how a*al s*x not only ruined her relationship, but ruined her relationship.
S*x. For most people, s*x is enjoyable. It’s something you look forward to. But for Marilyn Friedman, this was hardly the case when she expected her boyfriend (who she refers to as Liam) to propose. Instead, all she got was an invitation for a*al s*x — which she absolutely wanted no part of.
Retelling the story. Friedman opened up about her traumatic experience via Salon, explaining how she really thought she had something special going on with her boyfriend. But he went and f*cked it all up by leading her to believe that he was being a sweetheart, when in reality, he was just really horny for a very specific reason.
The W Hotel. Things were looking up for Friedman when Liam took her to the W Hotel in Manhattan on New Year’s Eve. She was pretty much certain that he was going to propose. There was no way he could have wanted anything else. Right? Well, no, he wanted the b**ty.
The return. The couple returned from a party, and they were a little tipsy. Champagne was sent to the room (definitely because of a proposal), and as he looked at her with “piercing green eyes and jet-black hair,” (classic proposal look), he asked her a question, but it wasn’t the kind of question she expected.
The proposal. Liam didn’t get down on one knee, but he did propose an idea. They sat down on the bed and for some reason, Friedman thought she should check under the pillow(?) for a ring, because she always imagined that’s where a man would hide the ring… But she didn’t find anything. Because, remember, this is all about a*al, not marriage.
Breathe… breathe… Once she realized that there was no ring under the pillow, Friedman was a hot mess. She was trying to collect herself, sipping her champagne to calm down instead of enjoying the moment. If this hadbeen a marriage proposal, her nerves were ruining the moment.
Finally! Butt-talk! Now, when Liam seemed as though he was about to ask for her hand in marriage, he popped an unexpected question (though not unexpected to you, the reader, because you already know by now that this is definitely going to end in a request for a*al s*x). “Tonight,” he said, “I want to do it up the butt.”
Going further. Now, before we go any further, how much do you want to bet that he didn’t actually say, “Tonight, I want to do it up the butt?” Who wants to bet that there was at least a shred of decency to his request, considering that they’d been dating long enough for marriage to have even entered the conversation?
Giving in. Instead of simply making up her own mind, Friedman questions this scenario as though dismantling a bomb. She even went so far as to think that he wouldn’t marry her if she didn’t give up her a*al virginity to him. What?
Losing her virginity. Friedman explains that this isn’t the first time she’s assumed marriage was in her cards. When she lost her virginity in college at the age of 20, she writes: “I cried the entire time and asked him if he was going to marry me because I couldn’t live with myself if he didn’t.”
Meeting Liam. When Friedman met Liam, it had followed six failed relationships, and after only a few days of dating, she fell in love with him after he told her, “I really like you.” Any time they would part after their first few dates, she panicked that he wouldn’t call her back.
Going for it. Friedman eventually decided to give in and try a*al s*x out. Because how bad could it be, right? Here’s how she describes the experience, “It feels like my butt is being jackhammered by a giant apple corer.” She then writes, “Now that I’ve done this, I’ll get my ring.”
The poop. Now, if you thought the invitation for a*al was what might have ended the relationship, you’re wrong. It was poop. While in the bathroom, Friedman heard Liam yell, “Oh god!” After explaining that he was mortified for having to clean poop off his penis, he never called.
The moral of the story? According to Friedman, romance is more f*cked up than it needs to be, and giving in to other people’s needs, even if they don’t satisfy your own, is healthy for the sake of love. Which is probably the worst way to approach life, let alone love.
The happy ending. Friedman explains that she eventually settled down with “the one” and was finally proposed to. But her journey before that was… insane. She writes, “In the end, I got my ring under the pillow. And I didn’t have to take it up the butt to get it.” Congratulations.