If you’ve ever fallen for emotionally unavailable men, you already know the heartbreak that comes with them. These unavailable men have that uncanny talent to make women chase after them and keep them on their mind. It’s a fruitless chase, though, since they just will never be the type to pursue a relationship. After all, they’re unavailable for a reason.Guys who never really seem to be available always seem to have the most girls around them, don’t they? Believe it or not, there may be a reason why you keep falling for the jerks who can’t be committed. Here’s what researchers have to say about the unbelievable attraction women have to unavailable men…
In Terms Of Attraction, Studies Have Shown We Have A Natural Proclivity To Like Unavailable People. So, the chips are stacked against us from the get-go.
If You Keep Falling For Taken Men, There’s A Reason For That. It’s called the Guppy Effect. With guppies, females will almost always gravitate to males that have already been chosen by other guppies. Believe it or not, the same can be said about human females. Due to instinct that suggests that other females know a good catch, we tend to be more attracted to taken men.
There’s Also Proof That We Like Broody Men… And that tends to end up being the kind of guy who is emotionally unavailable. Scientists found that most women will be into men who look powerful, proud, or moody. Incidentally, most moody guys aren’t emotionally available.
“Hard To Get” Really Does Work! Psychologist Dr. Lehmiller found that playing “hard to get” shows people that you aren’t desperate for love, which in turn makes you more attractive to people looking for a long term thing. Unfortunately, with a lot of women, we tend to go for guys who are so good at “hard to get” vibes, that they actually are impossible to get.
Moreover, Science Says We Are Likely To Mimic What We See At Home. So, if your parents were emotionally unavailable to you, or if you saw your dad struggling with an emotionally unavailable wife, it also could be reflected in the kind of men you choose.
But, There’s More To It Than That. Here’s the kicker: our bad dating history can actually make us relive our cycles over and over again.
The Cycle Of Loving Emotionally Unavailable Men Is Called “Relationship Repetition Syndrome.” Technically, this syndrome can also include getting attracted to people who are abusive, neglectful, or similar to others you’ve dated. Basically, what this syndrome is known for is causing people to relive their love mistakes over and over again.
Why Does It Happen? Psychologists say that Relationship Repetition Syndrome happens for one primary subconscious reason: low self-esteem. Basically, the girls who have it feel like they aren’t worthy enough for the guys they want to date. They feel that if they attain the unattainable, that would make her feel like she’s worthy.
It Doesn’t Work That Way, Though. Unavailable men are just that – unavailable. The problem is, this makes them want to work even harder to get his affection. They keep working, investing time and effort in the guys they’re dating…
…And Then The Ben Franklin Effect Worsens It. The Ben Franklin Effect was first noted by the famous politician. It says that a person will like someone more if they do favors for them. See where this is going?
Somehow, It Gets Worse. This same Ben Franklin Effect has an additional problem. A person also tends to get less interested in someone who does things for them all the time. As the old saying goes, “A person put on a pedestal will always look down on you.” As a result, the emotionally unavailable guy gets even less interested.
Basically, It Turns Into A Spiral After That. So, the girl works harder, the guy gets less interested, and then the guy leaves. This is made worse because the girl often will subconsciously want to repeat history and get the happy ending she was hoping for in the first place.
So, The Cycle Continues. Ouch. Love does hurt.
There Is Some Good News, Though. It is possible to break the cycle. However, you will need to work things out with a therapist and maybe pick up a couple of self-help books that focus on the subject.
Hopefully, History Doesn’t Keep Repeating Itself. Have you dated an emotionally unavailable guy? Tell us in the comments below!